6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
