cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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