The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
