If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
