Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
