I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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