fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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