the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Vodka?
Forever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
