dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
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The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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