OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
