p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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