Everything about him screamed your future.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
