you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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