Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
