you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so let's talk penis.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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