so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
