I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
