I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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