where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
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If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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