I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize