So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
