I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
