My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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