i jhust puked up my retainher.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
