Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
