Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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