i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
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We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
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Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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