I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
