I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
