I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
