how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
