I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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