you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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