Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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