i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
