I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
