Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
