He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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