i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
