I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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