just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
