party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
