this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
