the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
