Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
