She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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