It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
