So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's always time for handjobs
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
