Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
