why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
