i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
