Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You took a bar mat shot.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
