the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
