so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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