lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
