There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
