I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize