But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
