I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
