ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
