so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
