Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize