are you so shy because you have an std?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
