And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
